Relationships are great..until they’re not! Sometimes we have to know when to end a toxic relationship and when to keep fighting the good fight!
Relationships are our lifelines, platonic and/or romantic. The idea of being able to share a special bond with another human is something all people crave. It’s in our nature, we want to be social and have deep rooted connections with other people. Ultimately, we want a support system. But what do you do when your support system is actually the opposite? When the person who is supposed to be building you up is the one whose tearing you down? LET.IT.GO!
Walking away from someone you love is never easy and it’s not always the answer. Sometimes it just takes some patience, honest conversations, self-accountability, and the willingness to change to better the dynamic of a relationship. BUT, if the each person isn’t willing to do the work, it simply will not work. Don’t force it and don’t let yourself get filled with resentment either. Just accept it, learn from it, and move forward. So now the question is, how do I know if I need to end a relationship? Below are some of the signs that a relationship has/is becoming a toxic relationship and it may be time to move on. This is definitely not an all inclusive list, just some that I have personal experience with.
- (non)Symbiotic – I’m going to nerd out for a sec. Symbiosis, simply put, is a mutually beneficial relationship, there’s give and take on each party’s part. If EVERY single one of your close relationships isn’t this way, it’s time to re-evaluate them. I emphasize close relationships because Jesus may be using you in a way that is not seemingly beneficial for you in someone else’s life which is dope but not who I’m referring to. I’m talking about your fab 5, the people you lean on when the storm really hits, your tribe.
- Manipulation should never be a tactic to keep someone in a relationship. It’s reflective of possession, codependency, and self-esteem issues. If they are using guilt, threats, etc to keep you in a place that’s no longer serving you, cut those ties. It’s okay to outgrow a relationship, it doesn’t make either one of you the bad guy.
- Possessiveness is an unhealthy desire for ALL of someone’s love and attention. When you enjoy someone’s company it’s natural to want to be around them often but it becomes unhealthy when you don’t want them to do anything that doesn’t include you. If they have a problem with you hanging out with other sets of friends, doing activities they don’t enjoy, or simply having a desire to do something that doesn’t pertain to them, it’s time to re-evaluate. If you love someone, don’t expect ALL of them, what would be left over for themselves?
- Honesty, lies break the trust that is so pivotal in any type of relationship. There has to be a level of comfort and trust in order for honest, raw communication to happen. There’s a certain level of emotional/spiritual nakedness that is so freeing and calming when honesty is the standard in a relationship. Honestly, a relationship full of lies is a lie in itself because you don’t know the other person, only who they’ve portrayed themselves to be.
Abusive relationships come in many shapes and forms. Emotional, physical, mental, and even financial abuse is SO real. Inflicting pain on someone with malicious intent is abuse, no matter how you try to cover it. Physical abuse is obvious, but other forms, not so much. If they constantly belittle you, encourage self-esteem issues, or force co-dependence, it’s abuse. If they use fear and physical strength to coerce you, it’s abuse. It’s so important to see the ques before abuse turns deadly as it often does. If you’re in an abusive relationship, get out, don’t try to mend anything, it’s time to go. *please email me if you need any assistance in doing so, there are tons of resources out here and we will use them!*
Although this post is holding someone else responsible for the toxicity in the relationship, that’s not always the case. Sometimes, intentionally or not, YOU are the toxic person. It’s even more important to be able to do a heart-check in these situations so that you can internally mend whatever brokenness in you that is making you break other people. The saying that hurt people, hurt people is so true. So let’s do a quick re-cap:
It’s okay to be choosy about what love you accept, you’re worth it.
It’s okay to leave something that’s no longer serving you, you’re worth it.
It’s okay to stay and work through issues, IF, the relationship is a healthy one, you’re worth it.
It’s okay to know your worth and accept nothing but what the Most High wants for you, you’re worth it.
I pray that anyone reading this who is mentally tip-toeing that line of staying or leaving, gets discernment. That the person in the abusive relationship, gets strength. And that you ALL, get inspired and encouraged to remove all toxicity from your lives. We are worth so much, God tell us so, so let’s live like we know it!
So much love,